I have to say that I have never, ever read a parenting book and I think that it has been a blessing to myself and my kids. I guess I have never thought that I needed one. Some people swear by them....and it is not that I have never had 'problems' or 'concerns' about my children, I have just been able to navigate my way through these trials in another way; mostly by knowing what behavior I expect from my children and staying consistent in reinforcing that behavior. Truthfully, it hasn't been that hard...and if you know my adorable, loving, high-energy son, that's saying a lot.
I have sought advice from my mother-in-law. She provided so much guidance during newborn-hood and baby-hood. Through her knowledge of babies and children (she has 7 of them) I have had two children that slept through the night (at least 6 hours straight and not in my bedroom, thank God) from day 3 or 4 of life, had my babies on a 3 to 4 hour eating/nursing schedule from the day we came home from the hospital and can truthfully say that while my children have expressed their discontent with something, neither one of my kids has EVER had a temper tantrum. I am proud of these things.
Does this make me a good mom? Not by itself, of course, but it does help my sanity to focus on things that DO make me a good mom (like spending time with my kids in a positive and non-stressed way). Does it make me a better mom than others? No. The ways that I operated as a new mom worked for me for all the right reasons, but people that co-sleep with their kids, nurse on demand and turn the other cheek when their kids go off the deep end must find some value in those things or else they wouldn't enable them...I didn't find value in these things. My way was better for me, and it was easy.
So what value do these parenting books have? Well I guess they provide that guidance that is needed; like the help given to me by my mother-in-law. Maybe people think they will solve their parenting problems...although I am not sure they need a book to tell them that. Most people actually know the right thing to do but wont do it because it is too hard. I have to say that my ability to be a stay at home mom has aided in my job to shape my children the way I want to - I am not sure how working moms do it!!!
While I don't have all the answers, I do feel very proficient in my skills as a parent (so far). As my children grow older, I know I will see the world and the situations I find myself in differently and I pray that I will continue to have the positive resources I have now and also the strength of character to do what is right and not what is easy.
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Well done, Denise. I am glad that you were able to find ways to make parenting work for you. I did co-sleep in the beginning because I was advised to and because I was so paranoid that I couldn't sleep unless Bella was next to me. I learned through trial and error.. and advice from others (including you). I think that my daughter is extremely well-behaved because I teach her to respect others and I don't let her get away with being a brat.
ReplyDeleteKeep up with the hard work. It definitely pays off! Your children will love you and respect you for not letting them behave badly!